I’m a great “beginning” person. Over the years, I’ve done great at job interviews, meeting people, first impressions, etc. It’s the “middles” that have been tougher for me. Which also means that “endings”, when necessary, haven’t always been the easiest.
Beginnings of almost anything are easy because our true self is tucked safely beneath a shiny new barrier. We feel safe there because in some ways, we can project and embody the person we want to be. What happens though, is soon, the beginning time has worn off and we lose that safe barrier. Do we feel comfortable with our inner self? The true self underneath that shiny new exterior? Or do we have doubts, insecurities, vulnerabilities that scare us; not to mention intimidate someone else?
The process of being shiny and new becomes very exhausting if we have not healed and accepted ourselves, flaws and all. If we’re not willing to look within, deeply and honestly, and do the work to repair the not-so-shiny stuff – the “middle” becomes chaotic. We may act in sabotaging ways and then wonder why life happens to us the way that it does.
In the process of self-discovery, and healing, since I was bedridden with vertigo in 2004 (a battle I’m still enduring – and finally winning) ~ I’ve been learning so many things about myself, and life.
Not so coincidentally, the day I was taken out of work for the debilitating vertigo and migraine issues, is also the day I became clean. December 1, 2004 is the day I stopped using drugs and alcohol. So, of course, learning has been on fast forward. Being bedridden, and then facing the disabling medical condition all these years, forced me to go within, to be desperate for answers, and solutions.
Upon continuous reflection, I realized that I would run from myself. Run from others. Run from feelings. Run from anything uncomfortable. Run from “middles”! haha
Healthy communication freaked me out, probably because I was never taught it. I would push “good” away, because “bad” was familiar. I would cover up discomfort with substances and self-destructive behaviors.
Getting acquainted with “me” has been one of the hardest (and most rewarding) things I’ve ever had to do. I’ve gone from avoiding my own company, to enjoying it. I’m not the outgoing, social butterfly that I tried so hard to be. I’m introverted, sensitive, and overly affectionate. I accept and own that, now.
2011 began a huge shift within me. I was catapulted into a situation where it has been fight, or free myself. At first I fought and fought hard. Which led to more emotional pain. I’m a stubborn girl, so I had to try it my way, first. Just to make extra sure. Anyone relate?
Finally, I’ve turned a new leaf. I’ve become my own advocate. I’ve even become my own friend. I’ve done the work to allow healing so that I can not only accept myself, every part, but also do my best to forgive and accept every part in others.
The result is more harmony in my life. The result is more compassion for myself and others. The result is more learning. The best result? I feel more love and joy now than I ever have before. I’m becoming pretty darn good at “middles”. (: I own who and what I am. I communicate and empathize. I love. BIG.
The “middles” in life are some of the greatest, juiciest, most rewarding times, if we allow them to be. So many times I myself have avoided them in every aspect of my life. I’ve seen couples divorce during them rather than communicate and resolve, I’ve seen people leave careers during them rather than continue striving for their goals. The people who embrace the “middles” and do what it takes to learn and grow ~ those are the people who are happiest, most fulfilled, and feel more rewarded.
I want to share happy, positive energy with everyone. I also want to be honest, letting you know where I came from, and how I got here – to this place of being able to help people live in harmony with themselves and others.
I will start a series of blog posts including snippets of topics that are in the book(s) I’m writing. I’ve avoided it for a long time because of some remnants of limiting thinking that tell me to keep it stuffed. But like I explain in my previous blog post about boxes (http://www.ldjuarez.com/empower-full/wishes-dreams-and-boxes/ ) it’s best to examine the contents of the box and heal them in the light, rather than keep stuffing that box to overflowing.
I’m passionate about helping others because I know what darkness feels like. I also know what light feels like, now ~ so I want to share it with you.
Know that you aren’t alone. Together, when we are willing to do what it takes, we can walk through anything, and enjoy the free, beautiful light. We all deserve it!