I’m a great “beginning” person. Over the years, I’ve done great at job interviews, meeting people, first impressions, etc. It’s the “middles” that have been tougher for me. Which also means that “endings”, when necessary, haven’t always been the easiest.
Beginnings of almost anything are easy because our true self is tucked safely beneath a shiny new barrier. We feel safe there because in some ways, we can project and embody the person we want to be. What happens though, is soon, the beginning time has worn off and we lose that safe barrier. Do we feel comfortable with our inner self? The true self underneath that shiny new exterior? Or do we have doubts, insecurities, vulnerabilities that scare us; not to mention intimidate someone else?
The process of being shiny and new becomes very exhausting if we have not healed and accepted ourselves, flaws and all. If we’re not willing to look within, deeply and honestly, and do the work to repair the not-so-shiny stuff – the “middle” becomes chaotic. We may act in sabotaging ways and then wonder why life happens to us the way that it does.
In the process of self-discovery, and healing, since I was bedridden with vertigo in 2004 (a battle I’m still enduring – and finally winning) ~ I’ve been learning so many things about myself, and life.
Not so coincidentally, the day I was taken out of work for the debilitating vertigo and migraine issues, is also the day I became clean. December 1, 2004 is the day I stopped using drugs and alcohol. So, of course, learning has been on fast forward. Being bedridden, and then facing the disabling medical condition all these years, forced me to go within, to be desperate for answers, and solutions.
Upon continuous reflection, I realized that I would run from myself. Run from others. Run from feelings. Run from anything uncomfortable. Run from “middles”! haha
Healthy communication freaked me out, probably because I was never taught it. I would push “good” away, because “bad” was familiar. I would cover up discomfort with substances and self-destructive behaviors.
Getting acquainted with “me” has been one of the hardest (and most rewarding) things I’ve ever had to do. I’ve gone from avoiding my own company, to enjoying it. I’m not the outgoing, social butterfly that I tried so hard to be. I’m introverted, sensitive, and overly affectionate. I accept and own that, now.
2011 began a huge shift within me. I was catapulted into a situation where it has been fight, or free myself. At first I fought and fought hard. Which led to more emotional pain. I’m a stubborn girl, so I had to try it my way, first. Just to make extra sure. Anyone relate?
Finally, I’ve turned a new leaf. I’ve become my own advocate. I’ve even become my own friend. I’ve done the work to allow healing so that I can not only accept myself, every part, but also do my best to forgive and accept every part in others.
The result is more harmony in my life. The result is more compassion for myself and others. The result is more learning. The best result? I feel more love and joy now than I ever have before. I’m becoming pretty darn good at “middles”. (: I own who and what I am. I communicate and empathize. I love. BIG.
The “middles” in life are some of the greatest, juiciest, most rewarding times, if we allow them to be. So many times I myself have avoided them in every aspect of my life. I’ve seen couples divorce during them rather than communicate and resolve, I’ve seen people leave careers during them rather than continue striving for their goals. The people who embrace the “middles” and do what it takes to learn and grow ~ those are the people who are happiest, most fulfilled, and feel more rewarded.
I want to share happy, positive energy with everyone. I also want to be honest, letting you know where I came from, and how I got here – to this place of being able to help people live in harmony with themselves and others.
I will start a series of blog posts including snippets of topics that are in the book(s) I’m writing. I’ve avoided it for a long time because of some remnants of limiting thinking that tell me to keep it stuffed. But like I explain in my previous blog post about boxes (http://www.ldjuarez.com/empower-full/wishes-dreams-and-boxes/ ) it’s best to examine the contents of the box and heal them in the light, rather than keep stuffing that box to overflowing.
I’m passionate about helping others because I know what darkness feels like. I also know what light feels like, now ~ so I want to share it with you.
Know that you aren’t alone. Together, when we are willing to do what it takes, we can walk through anything, and enjoy the free, beautiful light. We all deserve it!
*hugs*
I think this is one of your best blogs so far. You have hit it spot on. Thank you
Oh wow! Thank you!!! Always when I feel the most vulnerable with posts, that’s when they really resonate with people. Very cool! I’m grateful to be able to share with others and help in this way! <3 Big hugs!
Wow. Amazing as usual!! You keep on getting better and better at writing! I start to feel like I’m jumping into a good book and then I’m disappointed almost when it’s over. Haha. I happen to seriously identify with this particular blog. I have always done great at life right out of the gate. Always got the job etc. Then I always found an ingenious way to sabotage things for myself and the people depending on me, although I would always have a great excuse as to why I failed and it would surely blame someone or something else other than myself. I began to hide from life instead of living it a long time ago. In some ways I still am. I don’t know if I will ever really be in the light. I would love to think so and I get so far but then I end up in a worse spot then before. Its a daily battle to stay positive. But your blogs help a lot when I read them so thank you for that. Keep em’ coming!!! Big fan!!
OH my gosh!! THANK YOU! It means so much coming from you, my friend. I love that! It makes my heart smile to know that my blogs help! It seems the more I open up and be vulnerable, the more I can reach people like this. It’s one of my goals to be as helpful as possible, so that everyone lives in the light and positive energy. We SO deserve it. I appreciate your support very much. We’re all in this together. If it wasn’t for your help, I wouldn’t be blogging — or anything — I am eternally grateful. So, thank YOU! If there is anything you’d like to see in a post, let me know. I have so many blogs partially written, and am always wondering what to write about. Thank you for bearing with my lack of writing skills — I always say I’m a “Feeler” not a writer. 😉 I just want to get the feelings out there… I’m thankful that I can do that. You rawk!!!
You often seem to express what I myself cannot express… I love your articles more and more and am very excited at the prospect of a book or books! I was really curious to read this wondering what you mean about the ‘middles’ and indeed it describes the biggest challenge I seem to face in any given situation – we live in the ‘middles’ most of our lives so to strive to THRIVE in this area would be crucial to our well-being, would it not? Being an introvert myself…that’s when I hide the most…so becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable is my new goal… Thank you for always sharing from the heart… I am looking forward to more of your wonderful posts!
Thank you for your wonderful comments! I’m so thankful that my feelings come across the way they are intended, since I don’t really call myself a writer, but a “feeler”. I’m glad the prospect of books is something you are interested in! Yay! It’s one of my many goals. You’re so right, thriving in the “middles” is quite crucial to our well-being. I watch people that naturally do it, and they inspire me. Ahh. Us introverts are so much alike. I’ve started to notice that if I’m uncomfortable with something (something good for me, I must clarify!) it is only uncomfortable at first. Kind of like walking around the track… if we keep going, even though half way through it may seem like there is soooo long to go… we end up at the finish line feeling great! Same with middles. I’m much better at them now than ever. It’s a conscious effort, but it’s doable! — I’m grateful that you enjoy my blogs and that they resonate with you so! It makes my heart smile to be able to “give” in this way. THANK YOU for your friendship and encouragement!