So I felt the need to write another post about grieving, loss… how to cope, how to be helpful. I wrote “Time, Love, and Presence” last week, with the intention of publishing it today. Now, after attending my Great Uncle’s Celebration of Life on Saturday, I’m guided to expand on this.
You see. Loss and grief are different for everyone, for every circumstance, and stage of life that a loved one was in. Or, a celebrity we didn’t know personally (as in the world’s tragic loss of Prince last week ): )
My Great Auntie taught me that “homegoing” is beautiful, something to cheer our departed loved ones on for. Something to celebrate and sprinkle joy into. The loss is still felt, of course, but the joy for their “homegoing” is something of support for their job well done. Especially when they enjoyed a wonderful, long life filled with blessings. My Great Auntie taught me by example while my Momma was transitioning into her own homegoing. Too soon, and after much unfair suffering, but her transition was made gloriously joyful by watching my Great Auntie hold her hand, cheer her on, and light the way for her to continue her journey. Witnessing that, was one of the most stunningly beautiful things I’ve ever seen. Kind of like witnessing the miracle of birth. Amazing, powerful, awe-inspiring. I continue to feel the deep loss of my Momma here physically, more all the time. But I can also feel her exquisite, angelic spirit shining love onto us, supporting us from the heavens.
What happens when it’s a sudden loss? Unexpected? Or, what happens when it’s someone we’ve lost after watching them endure a long, torturous illness/treatments. What happens when they still had what seems like decades of living to do and enjoy? What then? How do we cope with that?
Some say “they are in a better place now”. While that’s true, is it comforting to hear that? Or insulting?
I know, in my Momma’s case, I felt relief that her suffering was over with. But hearing “she is in a better place” actually felt insulting to me. Watching the most independent, busy lady I knew, become confined, dependent, and motionless was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever witnessed. It was unfair, to her, that she didn’t get to live decades of her life that I saw were still left for her, in my eyes. So the relief I felt for her homegoing was bittersweet. For me, the joy in her “graduation”, the beauty in which my Great Auntie cheered her on with, that gave me comfort. The love gave me comfort.
Just like I say in my previous post… the best thing to offer is LOVE, TIME, and PRESENCE. Whether it’s a joyful celebration, or simply just relief for their peace upon departing… love, time, and presence are incalculable.
Let’s all do our best to be more loving. Give more of our time, and be present for our loved ones, while they are with us. And let’s do the same for our fellows when loss is experienced. What a world we will have, with more love. Sending love to those with us, and those departed, brings the love energy up all over. Which makes life all the more significant. <3
I wish they taught this in school…right??? All we need is LOVE.
<3
YES!!! Oh my goodness. What a world we would live in. <3 I guess it's on us to spread the love. teehee
My darling great niece, what a special gift it was to have you with us for your Gr.Uncle Jerry’s Celebration of life. I can say his “Home-going” was not dark, though it was intimately sad for me, it was HOLY. Why? Because the life he lived warranted Celebration; and it was the calling forth of that Love that you so well express; that gathering of the family of love (and that does not always mean just blood relations)to laugh, cry, sing, remember, speak of memories with joy and laughter. I see no darkness in the man of God released into all The Father has for him. Your mother, Linda, was such a blessing to my brother, and I counted it an honor to accompany her in her journey to Glory. How Wonderful! I pray we can all love well enough to “walk the path” with any who need comfort. Even if it is a hard path, we can share the touch, the kiss, the caress as they progress. This can be done even if it is a tragic death, or a lingering illness. We just have to give up “ourselves” and be “fully theirs” a little while longer.
Beautiful Great Auntie! Thank you for your comment here. It was so wonderful to be able to be there with you and everyone to celebrate my Great Uncle. <3 I know he was your true life love. <3 YES! His life definitely warrants celebration. Such a great man. He touched so many people with his genuine love and care.
It was one of the most glorious things I've ever witnessed, seeing you with my Momma. A gift, a blessing that I will forever cherish! Yes, loving well enough to walk the path is definitely the best.
I love you! You bless my life. Thank you for the beautiful YOU that you are! Girl time soon! Let's plan! <3
Thank you for this. Beautifully put, and a gentle reminder that I very much needed just now. The universe does indeed work in it’s own mysterious way to bring us just what we need when we need it. Love back at you! 🙂
I’m sooo thankful that this came in divine timing. You’re so right about the universe bringing us what we need when we need it. I believe that wholeheartedly. BIG hugs and love to you! <3
For every soul that has left me, I have mourned but, have also celebrated the life they had on earth. I have thoughts and rememberances of the joyful times and the things that made them happy. I find that remembering the happy times makes it so much easier to send them off to heaven with ease and love.
YES! Soooo true! <3 <3 <3