So I felt the need to write another post about grieving, loss… how to cope, how to be helpful. I wrote “Time, Love, and Presence” last week, with the intention of publishing it today. Now, after attending my Great Uncle’s Celebration of Life on Saturday, I’m guided to expand on this.
You see. Loss and grief are different for everyone, for every circumstance, and stage of life that a loved one was in. Or, a celebrity we didn’t know personally (as in the world’s tragic loss of Prince last week ): )
My Great Auntie taught me that “homegoing” is beautiful, something to cheer our departed loved ones on for. Something to celebrate and sprinkle joy into. The loss is still felt, of course, but the joy for their “homegoing” is something of support for their job well done. Especially when they enjoyed a wonderful, long life filled with blessings. My Great Auntie taught me by example while my Momma was transitioning into her own homegoing. Too soon, and after much unfair suffering, but her transition was made gloriously joyful by watching my Great Auntie hold her hand, cheer her on, and light the way for her to continue her journey. Witnessing that, was one of the most stunningly beautiful things I’ve ever seen. Kind of like witnessing the miracle of birth. Amazing, powerful, awe-inspiring. I continue to feel the deep loss of my Momma here physically, more all the time. But I can also feel her exquisite, angelic spirit shining love onto us, supporting us from the heavens.
What happens when it’s a sudden loss? Unexpected? Or, what happens when it’s someone we’ve lost after watching them endure a long, torturous illness/treatments. What happens when they still had what seems like decades of living to do and enjoy? What then? How do we cope with that?
Some say “they are in a better place now”. While that’s true, is it comforting to hear that? Or insulting?
I know, in my Momma’s case, I felt relief that her suffering was over with. But hearing “she is in a better place” actually felt insulting to me. Watching the most independent, busy lady I knew, become confined, dependent, and motionless was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever witnessed. It was unfair, to her, that she didn’t get to live decades of her life that I saw were still left for her, in my eyes. So the relief I felt for her homegoing was bittersweet. For me, the joy in her “graduation”, the beauty in which my Great Auntie cheered her on with, that gave me comfort. The love gave me comfort.
Just like I say in my previous post… the best thing to offer is LOVE, TIME, and PRESENCE. Whether it’s a joyful celebration, or simply just relief for their peace upon departing… love, time, and presence are incalculable.
Let’s all do our best to be more loving. Give more of our time, and be present for our loved ones, while they are with us. And let’s do the same for our fellows when loss is experienced. What a world we will have, with more love. Sending love to those with us, and those departed, brings the love energy up all over. Which makes life all the more significant. <3