Have you ever self-sabotaged your way out of a great relationship? Locking yourself out of it, knowingly, at the time, or not… it happens more than it should. But, why? We are all made of love, pure and sparkly love. What causes some of us to forget that, even for a while?
I’m pondering this after posting some pictures for Fathers Day, of my fabulous Grampy. A child deserves to be loved unconditionally, treated with respect, dignity, and of course, love. My Grampy did that for me, and I am forever grateful. He went to Heaven way too soon, but the lessons he taught me are clearer, more now than ever.
I’ve been fortunate in my life to have experienced some romantic love that has also been unconditional. I was loved for me, every bit of me, even the yucky traits. However, I wasn’t ready for it any of those times. Even though I frantically looked for it over and over again.
See, my self-love was basically non-existent. I was raised with a lot of verbally abusive, degrading comments – which in turn, became my inner dialogue. After a while, I could put myself down stronger and harder than anyone. Eventually, if someone was kind and loving to me, it was so unfamiliar that I would push it away. It’s almost like, I just couldn’t believe someone would love me and treat me well without a hurtful motive or that they would ever “stay”.
Once I succeeded in pushing them away from me, I would wonder, “where did they go?” I would cry too late. Wishes and dreams were too late.
Something has to happen before we can see, appreciate, and nurture the good things coming our way, as they show up in our lives. I used to say, I was a better “hindsight” person, because I would only see the good after it left. But the bad? Heck yeah, I invited that in like I was the hostess of the Bad For You and Proud Of It rally.
Allowing people to mistreat us, especially mistreating ourselves, is just a matter of where we are, self-esteem-wise. It CAN be changed! It’s a tough one to conquer, but oh-so-worth-it! It requires alone time, to get acquainted with ourselves. Time to really look at everything in our lives, objectively. Feel any feelings, work on what it takes to resolve them. Most of the time, the work is personal. Blaming people or things in the past only keeps us stuck to it. We can‘t heal there. Getting out of blaming and into taking responsibility for & accepting our own actions (or non-actions) takes courage, and yields major rewards.
After loads of re-evaluating, feeling, and healing, I can attest to the fact that happiness truly does come from within. Lightening the load of the past, forgiving ourselves and others, truly paves the way for the excellence and bright love that is here, right now.
It’s a mind-set. Once we heal the wounds inside, we can live again. We unlock the place where love lives. In this moment. No more missing the good in life. Less learning by hindsight. Once we learn who we are, love and accept who we are, we gain that self-esteem and raise our spiritual vibration so that we can see and feel the good entering our lives – and the “bad” exiting. Stay objective during the process. Keep wishing love and joy for the world, and for yourself, and more love and joy comes in. I know it’s sounding cliché, but I am living, walking proof that it is completely true.
Wanna know what’s funny? Now that I’ve learned to love and accept myself, as I am, quirks and all — I’m no longer running frantic trying to find love. I’m happy with myself, the journey I’m on, and the love & beauty I see in every day. Unlocked for sure. Feeling free!
We all deserve love and happiness. ESPECIALLY from within.
YOU are beautiful.
Enjoy a great week!