Hey there, Beautiful Spirits!
I saw a meme on social media this week that really got me. It said:
Someone who is worthy
of your love will never put
you in a situation where
you feel you must sacrifice
your dignity, your
integrity, or your self-
worth to be with them
This speaks volumes not just for romantic relationships, but for ALL relationships. Sacrificing your dignity, integrity, and/or self-worth for ANYONE is the mother of all people-pleasing and must stop. Immediately.
You see, people-pleasing in any form is a way of teaching others how to treat us. Maybe we may think we’re showing them kindness or other niceness so they will reciprocate. Maybe we’re trying to avoid an argument. Maybe we’re thinking a million other things that justify it. (I’m not saying don’t be nice… but don’t be nice at the expense of your self-worth)
Sadly, all it does is crush us from the inside out. People will believe that we “like” sacrificing ourself, acting without integrity, or any other thing. If we show people that we don’t value and respect ourselves, they won’t value or respect us, either. Eventually, once we are crushed, lost, devastated and depleted, “they” will wonder why we can’t give them what we always gave them. Which causes more tension, arguments, and depletion of our spirit.
It’s not totally “their” fault. We are just as at fault, if not MORESO, when we continue to people-please at the expense of ourselves.
As soon as we realize we’re in such a situation, as soon as the crumbles start happening to our spirit, we MUST listen to the warning to regain ourselves.
Losing ourselves for anything or anyone is an ugly, awful state of being. Especially when we now know that WE did it to ourselves. No one can take our power, our spirit, our aliveness without our first handing to them.
How to take your power back:
1) Know that you can stop, right now, and change direction.
You are not obligated to continue on a destructive path. You are in charge of you.
2) Accept that whoever you’ve been people-pleasing may choose to find another person to suit their needs.
This is why most people CONTINUE to lose themselves by people-pleasing. All this is, is FEAR. Think about it. If we continue to feel compromised, depleted, and disrespected – why do we want THAT to continue? Someone that truly cares about us and our feelings will respect us for finally speaking up and valuing ourselves. Anyone that doesn’t was not genuine in the first place. The more you respect you, the more you set and maintain your boundaries, the better your life and circle of folks will be. 🙂
3) Voice your feelings to the person/people. Take responsibility for your feelings. Explain what you’re going to do going forward.
Don’t be afraid to communicate. Even if you have to sound a bit harsh if this is new to you. Own up to the fact that you allowed yourself to get to this point. Explain what the new plan is. Let go of the outcome. They will either understand and respect your new direction, or not. Be ok with either. You really will be ok. You’ll be better than ok. Trust me on this.
4) GO DO IT. Meaning, get your love for yourself back, respect yourself, honor yourself. Live your life in positive ways. Write a list of things that make you happy and incorporate them into your daily life. Examples: Eating right, exercising, finishing projects, reading books, etc. You get the jist.
One of the best ways to get back in touch with your spirit is to take a walk or sit outside amongst beautiful scenery or water. Take deep breaths and let your soul be cleansed. Quiet time is the best time to go inward, reflect, and redirect. It’s scary for a lot of people. But the reward is priceless. You deserve it.
Read a book. Create a new recipe. Clean your house, de-clutter. Pick up that project that’s been put off. Meditate. Use affirmations and mirror-work (look up Louise Hay for this… amazing!)
Take a people break if you need to. Rest up. Journal. Whatever positive thing you can do to get re-acquainted with you, learn to love yourself again or for the first time. I promise you, it’s worth it!
5) Keep your power by keeping yourself at the top of your priority list. Fill your cup first.
This takes practice. Don’t worry if you fall into old habits at first. Just keep yourself aware, and re-direct as often as needed. Make sure YOUR needs are taken care of first. Did you eat today? Did you get enough rest? Do you have something you need to do for you? Take inventory of this prior to saying “yes” to anything outside of that. Fill your cup first, to overflowing. Daily. Saying no now, until you have a handle on it, will benefit you and others in the long run.
Remember. YOU are beautiful. YOU, as much as anyone else, deserve to shine. Don’t allow anyone, especially yourself, to muddy up your light. It’s too gorgeous to be dimmed. <3