I had so many other things I planned to blog about today… yet, on this day, I can’t bring myself to talk about anything but this.
Two years ago, one of the most unique, beautiful, and sparkly souls left many of us with an emptiness that was devastating. While we understand his departure, and find comfort in the fact that he is no longer suffering… so many of us were absolutely devastated when he left. I, for one, almost didn’t make it through that time. I may share that story at some point… but I don’t want to take away from remembering the beauty of Mark, in this post.
I knew him since I was around 14 years old. He always made me laugh. He was a gentle giant. A huge teddy bear to my 5′ size. He loved music, pretty things, animals, nature, fun people and good times. He cared more about others’ feelings than about sharing his own. He always made sure everyone was ok, and that we all knew that he loved and cared for us.
Back then I called him my own Joey Ramone because he resembled him, to me. I think he liked it. 🙂
Mark was one of my first crushes, one of my first kisses… and one of my first examples of a gentleman. He could be wild and crazy and his JOKES! Oh my gosh. Funniest guy you’d ever know. But he ALWAYS had manners and treated ladies respectfully — or at least, he knew how to treat each one, individually. We lost touch for YEARS… but then with good ol’ Facebook, we reconnected. What a blessing that was. I got to experience more of his glitter and uniqueness! Saw him just months before he left this plane… it’s like, his spirit knew he would be leaving, so he made his rounds to all of us. See? He couldn’t help but share his love, and laughter, with us. How lucky we all are that were blessed enough to be in his circle.
In his departure, he brought all of his many loved ones together into this ginormous and diverse “Mark family”. He knew we’d need the love from that many people to help with missing him. I have special sisters and brothers now from that family. It’s been tough for many of us without his physical presence, but his spirit is always with us, I can always feel him. He is free and flying like a bird, fishing whenever he wants, and still making us laugh because he doesn’t want us to cry. I could go on and on with how fabulous he was (IS!!) and how much he means to me. But those who love and miss him already know that there just aren’t words. Only feelings. Feelings that we all feel for and from him. Such a beautiful soul that I feel so grateful to have been blessed with knowing.
With a spirit brighter and bigger than this Universe could handle… he left us so that he could fly free, and so he could touch more lives simultaneously as an angel than he ever could here on earth.
With all of that said… grief is a very individual process. I don’t think it ever goes away, but it does continue to change. The best thing to do, if you are feeling such overwhelming grief that you just can’t seem to function… please DO reach out. Reach out to more than one person until someone grabs your hand and doesn’t let it go. Keep yourself from falling into the muck and darkness. It’s easy to get trapped there and unable to get out. Let your friends and loved ones comfort you and lend their strength to you. You CAN and you WILL be able to live through it… painful as it can be sometimes… you will endure. The best way to honor someone you love that much, that has gone on to the next level… is to live in such a way that honors them. Be love. Be light. Be comfort to others. Keep your loved one’s pictures up as long as you need, forever even… light candles, say prayers, watch for signs that they are with you in spirit. Birds, butterflies, feathers, flowers… a certain song playing or a gesture a stranger makes from across the street… keep your intuition open… you will receive signs that are meant to comfort you.
How do I know this? Because I’ve experienced it. My Momma gives me roses in the middle of winter. My Grampy gives me strength. And Mark. Mark pecks at my window as a blackbird and won’t fly away until I laugh. He plays jokes on me like getting my hair caught up in a towel after a shower — which I can’t untangle until I laugh. He comes to me in dreams to talk and hug.
When someone leaves us here in the physical, it just means they are more available now to every loved one all at the same time. See it as a gift of love, if you can. See the bonds you make with others that knew your loved one, as gifts given to comfort you.
Change it all to positive energy. Honor your loved one. Be your best self. You can do it. We all can. I did. With help. Lots of help.
If you or anyone you love is contemplating suicide, please call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) right now. Thank you <3 http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/