(If you’re more into listening, rather than reading, the above link is for you!)
I was messaging with a good friend today and the topic of being filled with so much resentment (well, hate was the word used) because of a parent making them feel unworthy… and they said that they are “too far gone” to make things better.
I totally get it. I mean, I too, grew up feeling unworthy… and then allowed abuse and became my own abuser. Many decades of life I could have lived the way I would have wished to, but I didn’t, because of that resentment and unworthy feeling.
Guess what though. That saying about resentment, how it’s like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die? Sounds rather dramatic, but it’s true!
Let’s look at that in a broader view. Step outside, and look at it as if a movie is playing. Sitting in resentment, punishing ourselves over and over for the wrongdoings of a parent or someone else that deeply hurt us, is NOT causing THEM any harm, making them feel any remorse, or somehow erasing the damage that we feel was done to us. In fact, in most cases, they are off living their lives the way they choose. Whether they have changed their ways and are living as more compassionate people OR they are even more hurtful to others. Chances are they are NOT thinking about who they’ve hurt, they are NOT thinking about making it right. Meanwhile, if we sit in resentment, WE suffer. EVERY DAY. Unhappiness, depression, anxiety, health issues, just EXISTING day by day and not LIVING. Who does that hurt? US!!!!
It’s a hard thing to do… move forward. I get it… I really do. Heck, I’m still living that challenge WHILE doing my best to help others move forward, too.
I get it that it’s daunting. We look at all the wasted years, wasted time. We look at where we WANT to be and it seems like an impossible task, getting there.
Guess what, though. Time goes forward ANYWAY. I know it sucks. Grumble if you must. But take ONE small step a day toward that life you wish you had. What will make you happiest later?
Living with so much resentment for so long bulldozes confidence if there ever was some. It shatters the sparkles in the spirit. It manifests as health issues, weight gain or loss in extreme directions, depression, anxiety, anger, lashing out, isolation, etc.
What we have to do is rebuild ourselves. The safest, strongest, most beautiful structures do take time. Quality work takes time, and is expensive. But aren’t you worth it?
Building a foundation is so important to that beautiful building of YOU. Pick what would be most beneficial for you and begin work on that. Is it saving money to get out of a toxic relationship or situation? Is it losing/gaining weight to be your most healthy self? Is it quitting smoking and other self-destructive behaviors? Is it re-connecting with a trusted loved one that will help you heal your sparkle? Whatever it is, start with that. Build your foundation. Go slowly. Be gentle with yourself. But be consistent. I mean it. Consistency is key. Soon your foundation will be strong, and you can start on your building. With consistency, patience, and ever growing self-love, you can and you will notice changes. Subtle at first. More profound as you go along.
Is this out of the comfort zone? You bet your bootie! However, even 6 months from now you will notice such a difference that you’ll wonder why you ever let resentment consume you and steal so much of you and your life. Time passes ANYWAY. Give yourself this gift. Try it for 6 months. If you don’t notice any positive changes, go ahead and go back to the familiar resentment muck if you must… but I really don’t think you’ll want to. 6 months.
Let’s do this. Let’s remove glorifying of damage, and glorify healing instead. I promise that positive energy will come if you remain willing to let go of the negative cloak of darkness. Stop hurting yourself the way you’ve been hurt. Your spirit needs your love, the way it wished it received it all those years ago (and even recently.)
You deserve it!