So many blog post ideas today. However, at the suggestion of someone very special, I’m making this post about my Momma ~ with a, hopefully, inspirational message.
10 years ago today, my Momma left this Earth and became one of the most beautiful angels in the history of angels.
3 months prior to her departure, we were given the gift of that special mother/daughter bond that many have, yet many seek but sometimes never enjoy. We spent every day of those 3 months just talking, healing, loving, sharing. During that time we became what we each needed, for each other. It was the grandest, most illuminating, and heart sparkly 90+ days I’ve ever experienced.
Y’see, from the time I was a pre-teen all the way until my 30s, we didn’t really see eye to eye. We didn’t understand each other. We didn’t know each other very well. We didn’t respect each other as much as we could have. Of course there were times here and there that were wonderful. But the bond forged at my premature birth seemed to disengage for all those years. No blaming… it takes two to make any relationship work. We both had some growing and living to do in between. It’s totally ok.
She was diagnosed with brain cancer, lived and enjoyed 2 fabulous years before it returned. She opted for surgery the second time, but the result was less than fabulous. It was after the second surgery that she and I were blessed with not only the re-engagement of our bond, but such a deep, soulful and heart-full connection that we were moved to tears. Happy tears.
We visited in person & talked all day, every day, during those 3 months prior to her passing. Deep soul wounds and heart breaks were mended. Apologies and amends were made. Cries, laughs, reminisces, explanations. It’s amazing what kind of communication can happen when two people are so open and ready for it. A lifetime of hurts healed almost instantly. Forgiveness granted. Love, unconditional love, always there and now expressed in the way we each needed to hear and feel it.
She told me she was proud of me. That she loved me. I received the greatest, most loving hug from her that I had longed for all my life. It was so freeing, so joyous! She did that for me, knowing the “mushball” that I am. Even though that kind of affection was outside of her comfort zone.
See, love isn’t always mushy. It isn’t always verbalized. Sometimes, it is shown. My Momma was the best combination of Martha Stewart and Betty Crocker. She loved to cook, sew, create, decorate, keep a beautiful home, go on vacations, and shower people with gifts. I was so busy longing for words and mush, that for over 3 decades I didn’t “see” all the ways she showed her love.
She gave “tough love” which I took as insults all my teen and adult life… but in our talks, I learned that she thought she was motivating me. Parents don’t get “rule books” with children. She did the best she could. And looking back, she did amazingly with what she knew.
My sisters and I are blessed that we were given the greatest Mom. I wish I had recognized it sooner. I am beyond grateful, though, that I finally got to see “her”. She finally got to see “me”. We finally became the best of friends. I always longed for that, and with grace, we got to enjoy it. How wonderfully lucky, blessed, and fortunate…
So if you have a person in your life that you are longing for something from… take a step back and look. Maybe you’re being given even more, but missing it by focusing on the “lack”. Don’t miss the blessing. Be open. Be ready. YOU deserve it. And so do they.
Sending you love. <3